Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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