Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
