Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
