We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
