Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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