And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
