Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
