dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
