I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
