you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
