Swine flu. Run for my life!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
