Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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