we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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