apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
In America we eat man semen.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
