my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
