Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
