One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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