Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
