drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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