he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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