youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
