don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
