I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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