my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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