Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
