My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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