whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
