I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
