best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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