Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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