at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
