Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
