I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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