You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
