She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is it because I queefed?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
