how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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