When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
