Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
