she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
