Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
