The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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