i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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