brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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