I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
