member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
