my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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