i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
