haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Michael Bay diarrhea
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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