yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
