drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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