this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
