She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
