Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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