sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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