whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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