I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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