the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
