come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
