Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
