brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
