And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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