I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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