On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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