i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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