i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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