Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
