there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
