My friends, they love my intelligence
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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