I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
