can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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