would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize