Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
