i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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